My Week of Bachelorhood

The fiancée is in San Diego for a few days, so I’m suddenly a bachelor.  Which is awesome.  I’m getting a little bit of time to do all the awesome things that I don’t usually do when women are around.  Here’s how I’ve planned my week:  1.  I’m only going to use one dish to eat off of for the next four days. 2.  I’m going to drink gratuitous amounts of whiskey and smoke cigars… Except without the cigar part– I don’t smoke.  But I do have a new whiskey I’m excited to try. 3.  I’m going to sit around and play video games.  I’ve just started a new franchise in Madden 2012.  It’s a little outdated, but I’ve got a terrible team to rebuild around Tim Tebow, Randy Moss and Aaron Hernandez.  I’m hoping this time Hernandez doesn’t kill anyone before I trade him.  (Too soon?) 4.  I’m going to write a novel with unwarranted amounts of sex, then delete it and write something else. 11148624_579659042611_4256873546152454524_n5.  I’m going to be spending a lot of time with my other lady.  It’s going to be four days of napping, poop-scoopin’, and tug-o-wars. 6.  I’m going to get drunk and teach myself math.  Seriously.  I’m sharpening my skills, since I’ve been teaching a lot of math lately.  I don’t teach it drunk but that should help me be extra prepared. 7.  I’m going to be doing a lot of sitting around in my underwear. 8.  I’m going to eat only hamburger… And peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Considering I have four days, I think I’ll probably eat around 30 of those bad boys. 9.  I’m going to throw some sexy parties, Stewie Griffin style… Probably with a PB&J.

10.  I’m totally going to finish those magazines and two novels that I started… Right after the sitting-around-in-my-underwear thing. HURRAY FOR THE SINGLE LIFE!  ….. Sigh.



  1. Good thing this is a joke because it sounds like you have no life apart from your fiance. Like you have built your life around her. Good thing this list is for comedy purposes.

    Remember if you don’t lead your life, someone will always be glad to do it for you.


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