Tomorrow is the first day of grad school classes. I feel like I’m already failing to live up to my own expectations.
It’s been an unending parade of To-Dos since I started this journey last November. Just getting TO grad school is not an easy process. It started with an application to the university. Then a separate application to education department. I had to fill out the FAFSA twice for a one-year program (since I’m starting over the summer, which is still part of the 2014-2015 academic year). I had to apply for financial aid and I had to apply for scholarships. At each of the steps along the way I had to write essays about my goals, what social justice means to me, why I’m so poor, how hard I’ve worked, my accomplishments, my failures, and how I’ll use further education in society. I had to pass essential skills tests in writing, reading, and math. I had to take a separate English language arts exam, because that’s my focus. I had to get fingerprinted and pass a background check. The list goes on. I had to take two classes at the community college. I had to provide transcripts from three colleges. I had to meet with a faculty advisor to go over those transcripts. I had to attend informational meetings and orientations. I had to purchase books and a parking pass (woops, better do that today!).
So here I am, at the end of that process and school officially starts tomorrow. I feel like the a small child waiting for the bus on the first day of school. I’m nervous. I’m not sure this is going to be worth it and it’s only going to get harder from here. I’m in an accelerated program designed to be completed in just a year. That means I’ll be hitting the books. Hard. And there isn’t a lot of mercy in it, either. Classes don’t even officially start until tomorrow but I got three emails over the weekend, one on Friday night, one on Saturday morning, and one Sunday evening informing me that I should come to class having already done several chapters of reading and completed some assignments. With just two days notice and several chapters assigned over different classes, I’m already feeling the strain. It makes me wonder if I can hack it a month from now when I’ll be in embroiled in the classes, or two months from now when I’ll also start student teaching.
But there’s no turning back now. My only option is forward, up the steps and onto the bus. Hopefully it takes me somewhere worthwhile.
Photo Credit: State Farm via Flickr